Laugh and be Healthy

Sunday, April 30, 2006

The Husband

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, noticed that John was ever so slowly sliding down his chair under the table while Mary acted unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up and replied firmly, "Oh, no. He did not. In fact, he just walked in the front door."

From "Send It Out Newsletter"

Choo Choo Train :-)

Friday, April 28, 2006

Keeping Cool

In my handbag or briefcase, I must always have one or two books with me. I would read while waiting for the bus or MRT (Mass Rail Transit) or while waiting for clients. I would also read while queuing in the bank or post office.

Once I waited for my collegue, Miss Lim, at the Starbucks for 3 hours. I had no intention of drinking any coffee as I preferred our local black coffee. Morever, let us admit it, I feel that paying $3.40 for a cup of coffee seems much higher than that 70 cents at the kopi tiam (coffee shop.) The Starbucks was our meeting point and as usual, I took out my novel to read. 15 minutes dragged on to 30 minutes and there was still no sight of Miss Lim. After 50 minutes of waiting, I felt bad, and ordered a cup of coffee. Minutes passed by. Sometimes I stopped to look at some of the interesting customers who were dressed very fashionably. I eavesdropped on a group of youngsters discussing the political candidates for the coming election. At one point I felt a little sleepy and dozed off for fifteen minutes. Refreshed from the little catnap, I continued my reading.

I was almost finishing my novel, when Miss Lim calmly turned up like as if nothing had happened. No apologies... no evidence of hard breathing to show her desperate attempt to reach her destination in the earliest possible time... cooly and calmly she said "Hi!" Miss Lim is well known to be always late for appointments, but I never expected her to be so ooo ooooo late! 3 Hours! And all she said is "Hi!" No wonder she lived up to her nick name of "Miss Rubber Time".

My friends wondered how I could wait for someone that long. The secret is my books. Hence I could occupy my time well and would be less likely to get restless, agitated or bored from waiting. Like the Visa card advertisement, I could never leave home without my books.!!

Gan Chau :-)


A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his side profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds"... think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe's TRUE! The suspect does
in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

From "Send It Out Newsletter"

Gan Chau :-)

Why Men are Happier

Why Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T- shirt to a water park. You can wear no T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut or a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress £5000. Morning suit rental £100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £8.95 for a three- pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails in 1 minute.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Dec 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Above sent via email by my friend, Mr. C. Tan

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Penang Cuisine in Singapore

As everyone knows, Penang is famous for her cuisine. For those with a good appetite, Princess Terrace at Copthorne King's Hotel is still one of the best, offering a huge variety of Penang fare. I like their Hokkien Mee and Char Koay Teow as well as their Zhiu Hu Car (a kind of salad that is quite like the Indian rojak). Having a sweet tooth means the widespread dessert is a die die must try! The variety of colorful nonya kuehs, the bubor cha cha, ice kachang are what I usually tuck in. However, due to the constant nagging of my siblings and well-meaning friends, I have tried not to go for the buffet spread. Although Chef Mary Chong has spread her wings to London, the current chef, Mr. Loh, is just as good.

Hence, it was a great delight when I discovered Jason's Penang Cuisine when I was at the Ministry of Environment Building. Jason's has moved to the CBD (Central Business District) area and is now located at Amoy Street Food Centre, Stall No. #02-120. If you wish to have a party, you can call the lovely couple Jason or his wife, Linda, at 98495815. They would require 2 days advanced booking. The plate of char koay teow with prawns, cockles, chives, bean sprouts, eggs and crabmeat at $2.50/$3.00 per plate is real value for money! The Hokkien mee oozes with real prawn flavour and comes with a generous amount of fresh prawns, braised pork, bean sprouts, egg and vegetables. I brought my client, Mr. Edmund Ong (the gentleman who is 60 but looks like 40) and was surprised that health conscious Mr. Ong could not resist having a second bowl of Hokkien mee!! The dish is so good that he temporarily forgets his meticulousness with his diet!

Come and try the above recommendation. If you have time and want to entertain in style and comfort, Princess Terrace is the place to dine in. If you are in a hurry and not particularly too hungry, or if you are on a tight budget or strict diet, go for Jason's Penang food. The food centre is pleasant but is a little warm as there is no air-conditioning, but who cares when the food is perspiringly delicious!!

Gan Chau:-)

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Dog Fight

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings which gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

From "Send It Out Newsletter"

Choo Choo Train :-)

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Sending Parcels Via CCW - Chinese Courier Way

An innovative delivery method, the Chinese way... forget about DHL, UPS or even FedEx!! Enjoy reading!

A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled when a coffin of their grandmother arrived from the States. It was sent by one of the daughters of the deceased. The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin with no space left in it. When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top which read as follows:-

Dear Cousins,

I am sending Ah Ma's (Grandma's) body to you since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin. Sorry, I could not come along as I have used up all my paid leave.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ah Ma's body 12 bottles of Yohmeishu, 10 packets of Swiss chocolates and 10 packets of Chinatown lap cheong (sausages). Please divide these among all of you.

On Ah Ma's feet, you will find 3 new pairs of Nike Air shoes. One for Ah Boy (size 10) Another one for Ah Mei's son (size 8) and last one for Ah Liew's dughter (size 6). Hope the sizes are correct.

Ah Ma is wearing 6 CK T-shirts. The large size is for Ah Bak and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute among yourselves.

The 2 new Armani Jeans that Ah Ma is wearing are for the boys. The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ah Ma's left wrist.

Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei, Ah ma is wearing the tiffany necklace, earrings and ring you asked for. Please take them.

The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ah Ma is wearing must be divided among my teenage cousins. Let me know that else you need as Ah Kong is also not keeping well nowadays. I can send all the required things when our Ah Kong goes back too!

Love from America,

Cystal Jade (Suan Geok)

The above article sent via email by my friend, Attenborough Burns aka Freddy Cang who also sings at the Cafe Terrace, River View Hotel, Singapore

Monday, April 24, 2006

Equal vs. Same

"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.

1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you're driving there.

3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.

5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their appendages.

6. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.

7. Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost instintively start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start painting the walls.

8. If a girl accidently burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy accidently burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.

9. Boys grow their fingernails long because because they're too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their fingernails long - not because they look nice - but because they can dig them into a boys arm.

10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.

11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses. By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad kisses unless he bribes them with candy.

12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to make machine-gun noises.

13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after they've watched "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie three times in a row.

14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

How To be 60 but look like 40

Last month, a couple came to view one of my client's condominium at Symphony Heights. The puchaser explained that since he has retired, he wants to move to a smaller unit so as to make housekeeping an easier task for him and his wife.

"Retired?" I asked, surprised, because Mr. Edmund Ong looks like he is in his forties.

"Yes, I retired 5 years ago. I am 60!"

My jaws dropped! Gosh, Mr. Ong is a picture of health. He still has headful of hair, smooth shining complexion, a figure with 6 packs which would be the envy of many a movie star! I asked him for his secret of maintaining his physique.

"Avoid rich, oily and fast food, especially fried stuff. A daily exercise of 30 minutes is a must... can be in any form.... brisk walking, aerobics, etc. Try to sleep early before 11.00p.m. Try to relax and avoid worrying unnecessarily. Always maintain your sense of humour and see the ludicrous, and look at the bright side of things.

I suggested to Mr. Ong that since he has so much free time on his hands, he should perhaps set up a samll business to help people to be 60 yet look like 40. I am sure, Mr. Ong will have many clients! Definitely I will be the first to sign up!!

Choo Choo Train :-)

Saturday, April 22, 2006

I am Fine

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

"Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" Asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details," The lawyer interrupted, "Just answer the
question. Did you not say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway
patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the
accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please
tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I
could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible
shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman
came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her
between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me." He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

(Adapted from "Send It Out Newsletter)

Choo Choo Train :-)

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Recipe for Penang Char Koay Teow


1kg of fresh, fine koay teow
Half kg of fresh, medium sized prawns
30 gms of chives
half kg of fresh, bean sprouts
3 Chinese sausages
8 fresh eggs
32 to 40 fresh cockles
200 gms of fresh garlic
oyster sauce
a dash of salt
fresh ground chillies
a dash of sugar
cooking oil


1. Peel the prawns.

2. Chop garlic finely.

3. Cut the sauces into fine pieces.

4. Cut chives into about one to two cm long.


1. Heat a little oil in the wok.

2. Add garlic and stir fry till slightly brown.

3. Throw in the sausages.

4. Add in half to one teaspoon of fresh chillies.

5. Fry all the above till fragrant.

6. Add in a handful of koay teow.

7. Add in one egg.

8. Add some cut chives.

9. Add a handful of beansprouts.

10. Stir fry quickly and fry till fragrant and serve.

11. Repeat procedure, plate by plate.

PS. This is one dish that can be cooked to order. Make your guest feel importnt
by asking for his preference, eg. more beansprouts, less chilli, etc. Some may
be allergic to prawns or cockles, etc.

Gan Chau

Sunday, April 16, 2006

3 Nice Jokes from Taiwan


A man is dying of Cancer.

His son asked him : " Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS ?"

Answer : " So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom !"

Three Feelings :

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic ?

Stress is when wife is pregnant

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant

And Panic is when both are pregnant.


Chinese Adam and Eve :

If Adam and Eve were Chinese

We would still be in paradise because we Chinese would have ignored the
apple and eaten the snake !

Sent via email by Janice Lee Mui Keow

The Perfect Mate

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.
"Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.
"Well," the man replied, "She's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!" So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born. When the man visited nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her."

Adapted from "Send It Out Newsletter"

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Laugh and be Healthy

Since so many people have requested me for my personal recipes, I have decided to set up to blog on "laughter and health". Things that promote good health.... good food, joy, attitudes, etc.

I always enjoy talking to my eldest sister, Lee Lee. She is a very well read lady and would often share with me articles and information which she has gathered from books, magazines, etc.

Sister told me that laughter helps to clean out body toxins. It helps to build up the body immune system so that when a person laughs and is happy, he is able to fight sicknesses and diseases.

If readers would like to contribute articles and recipes, they are most welcome to write to me via email and I will post the articles in this blog.

Choo Choo Train :-)